Lost & Found In Death.

It was dawn. I was sitting on swing, just swaying my legs into the sand, attempting to mush it. The park was just a place that caught my eye while driving around.The first day I came here was when I lost my best friend. Why? Well, I haven’t been able to figure that out. I took a nice scan of the area and started walking around. I couldn’t bear the tightness of the band, and as I attempt to take it off it pulled more of my hair, but once I was able to, it was as if I felt light. The very band was holding all my emotions, the emotions which I kept inside of me from the minute I got the news, to the minute his body was uplift in front of my naked eye. The minute my hair were free, my feelings escaped. Tears were flooding over my cheeks before I could realise that I was crying, that I was sad. How strong could I possibly act? It was obvious, he and I were too close to forget in a day. I wasn’t his best friend and he wasn’t mine, but isn’t it about a bond so secure, so strong, so loving that makes every relationship unique in its own manner? I missed him. 

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In a situation like this, he would’ve been my first call. What does one do when the person you’re feeling down because of, is unreachable? Not for a minute, nor for an hour but forever! How selfish am I to think of my sadness, what might his parents, his family, his friends be going through? I saw his mother there, running in the middle of all the activities, trying to keep a smile. She couldn't spare even a minute to her sorrow, instead, she has to actively participate in all the so-called rituals. Whenever we hung out, he told me fun stories about his mom, and I’d laugh at every word. His relationship with his dad was somewhat about the traditional wishes on birthdays, anniversaries and festivals, the refill of his pocket money every once in a while, and that was about it. But, when I saw his father, I saw regret. The regret of not valuing time and his son’s creditability. I wish I could run towards both of them and give them a tight hug, which I’m aware won’t bring their son back but may offer them some comfort amidst the loss. 

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Oh how much I miss his stupid smile! While wiping the tears away from my face, I saw the swing. As I recall it, this was my first time on a swing other then me being a 5 year old kid. As, reminiscing the day I had, I felt nothing short than clueless. I zoned out straight for an hour, time was running by while I was lost in my own world, my phone rang loud in my ears, breaking me out of my little crying session. Since the day I returned home, from the park, I’ve sort of always been pulled in it's direction. It might sound stupid to a strange ear, but would you believe me if I said, that I could feel his presence sitting on the swing by me, watching over me while everything I did sitting there. The relationship we shared was playful yet meaningful. We made fun of each other, but respected the other one, we laughed together, but also held each other and cried. Ever since that very day, I come here, and sit there every time in the belief that I would feel him again, looking upon me. I find comfort in this space, I come here whenever the real world begins to crawl under my skin, and I need a breather. The one move I take a lot of pride in is that no one knows that I visit here, whenever, except him, but he’s one of those people I don’t mind visiting me, in fact, that’s what I count on. What’s the logic behind having a hiding place when people know about it, right? I like this place, as it has every quality he had, incorporated in a Park; an unknown territory, an open ground, a light breeze and a feeling of exhilaration. Like the protagonist runs away to some unknown location, and they somehow already know that we might find them here, in Hollywood movies; that’s how it is, with me and the Park. I won’t call it an escape, but my very own time capsule. Where time takes a pause, giving me an endless choice of memories to reminisce about, and life choices to weigh about. I’m not glad for the day that had to come, for me to discover this place, but I am glad that at least the Universe tries in it’s own way to somehow allow see those whom we ever cared for. Does it compensate for the pain that was caused in the process of us losing some? No, but it gets you where you can talk to 'em whenever you desperately miss them, when you wish to feel their warmth, which you still find lost somewhere, but may be in another timeline my friend, we unite again with them. 

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-Priyal Sharma