Lost & Found In Death.

It was dawn. I was sitting on swing, just swaying my legs into the sand, attempting to mush it. The park was just a place that caught my eye while driving around.The first day I came here was when I lost my best friend. Why? Well, I haven’t been able to figure that out. I took a nice scan of the area and started walking around. I couldn’t bear the tightness of the band, and as I attempt to take it off it pulled more of my hair, but once I was able to, it was as if I felt light. The very band was holding all my emotions, the emotions which I kept inside of me from the minute I got the news, to the minute his body was uplift in front of my naked eye. The minute my hair were free, my feelings escaped. Tears were flooding over my cheeks before I could realise that I was crying, that I was sad. How strong could I possibly act? It was obvious, he and I were too close to forget in a day. I wasn’t his best friend and he wasn’t mine, but isn’t it about a bond so secure, so strong, so loving that makes every relationship unique in its own manner? I missed him. 

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In a situation like this, he would’ve been my first call. What does one do when the person you’re feeling down because of, is unreachable? Not for a minute, nor for an hour but forever! How selfish am I to think of my sadness, what might his parents, his family, his friends be going through? I saw his mother there, running in the middle of all the activities, trying to keep a smile. She couldn't spare even a minute to her sorrow, instead, she has to actively participate in all the so-called rituals. Whenever we hung out, he told me fun stories about his mom, and I’d laugh at every word. His relationship with his dad was somewhat about the traditional wishes on birthdays, anniversaries and festivals, the refill of his pocket money every once in a while, and that was about it. But, when I saw his father, I saw regret. The regret of not valuing time and his son’s creditability. I wish I could run towards both of them and give them a tight hug, which I’m aware won’t bring their son back but may offer them some comfort amidst the loss. 

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Oh how much I miss his stupid smile! While wiping the tears away from my face, I saw the swing. As I recall it, this was my first time on a swing other then me being a 5 year old kid. As, reminiscing the day I had, I felt nothing short than clueless. I zoned out straight for an hour, time was running by while I was lost in my own world, my phone rang loud in my ears, breaking me out of my little crying session. Since the day I returned home, from the park, I’ve sort of always been pulled in it's direction. It might sound stupid to a strange ear, but would you believe me if I said, that I could feel his presence sitting on the swing by me, watching over me while everything I did sitting there. The relationship we shared was playful yet meaningful. We made fun of each other, but respected the other one, we laughed together, but also held each other and cried. Ever since that very day, I come here, and sit there every time in the belief that I would feel him again, looking upon me. I find comfort in this space, I come here whenever the real world begins to crawl under my skin, and I need a breather. The one move I take a lot of pride in is that no one knows that I visit here, whenever, except him, but he’s one of those people I don’t mind visiting me, in fact, that’s what I count on. What’s the logic behind having a hiding place when people know about it, right? I like this place, as it has every quality he had, incorporated in a Park; an unknown territory, an open ground, a light breeze and a feeling of exhilaration. Like the protagonist runs away to some unknown location, and they somehow already know that we might find them here, in Hollywood movies; that’s how it is, with me and the Park. I won’t call it an escape, but my very own time capsule. Where time takes a pause, giving me an endless choice of memories to reminisce about, and life choices to weigh about. I’m not glad for the day that had to come, for me to discover this place, but I am glad that at least the Universe tries in it’s own way to somehow allow see those whom we ever cared for. Does it compensate for the pain that was caused in the process of us losing some? No, but it gets you where you can talk to 'em whenever you desperately miss them, when you wish to feel their warmth, which you still find lost somewhere, but may be in another timeline my friend, we unite again with them. 

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-Priyal Sharma

Listening to your silence.

Hey! Dear Someone,

 

Hope you're fine, hope you smile. I'm writing this to you to let you know that I'm here, to hear you in whatever way. I'm here to laugh at your silly jokes, I'm here to listen to your serious pain, to heal your soul and mind, to support you when you're right, to let you know your miseries and help correcting them. I don't know how many people you have in your life and how many are close to you among them but I'm here with all my ears and heart. I know trusting someone is not easy, however, I ensure you, you won't regret. In this busy world, all those whom you want has no time to look at you, to stay beside you, and willing to ever call your problems as their own. But sometimes you meet someone unknowingly and they may stay with you forever or they just go away and leave their memories behind. In this mighty world, everybody falls for the fake love; still, they manage to survive their own. So, my dear someone, being alone and unhappy, and feeling lonely or hurt is not the solution, start your life again and stand on your own, with self-love. 

People come, some stay some leave, but it isn't your responsibility to give away yourself to keep the relationships which only you want to work out. It isn't your duty to rebuild those which you never broke, instead rebuild yourself. 

Collect yourself and stand and shine and to help you out, you have me.

Someone is there waiting to sit with you in your darkest and scariest silence yet listening to it.

Furthermore, I just want to let you know that I'm here with you, for you, with all I have !!!

Thank You!

Yours Someone :)

-Daisy Sharma

Please Don't Touch Me.

I was not in my senses, too sleepy and  tired after a hectic day.

He touched me where he should have never done.

I trusted him as I trusted every men around, I thought he would never let me get hurt but he himself did.

He has left me in biggest discomfort. I become concious when my father cups my shoulder and these are the scars he left behind. Pieces of my faith are now so minute & scattered everywhere that it's hard to get them into place.

Masculine hands all around the wrist that the hands could barely move in defence. Screams silenced by the pain and the body in control of someone else. After this happens, heart feels to cry, to scream, to get out of the pain but remains silent, sobbing for whole life deep inside. Waking up now and then in middle of nights feeling someone is there looking, right inside you, touching without approval. Living in soreness for the rest of the existence or quitting it !

Yes, these are some impacts on someone's life left when they are physically abused.

She told her mother & she shushhhed her saying "Yeh toh har ladki ke saath hota hai".

My question is 'why? why this happens with every girl out there? Is it some kind of culture which needs to be carried and practised and without which our community is not complete ?' 'Don't talk about it to anyone else. It would affect our reputation, dignity in the society'. 'Ladki ghar ki izzat hoti hai (A girl is the pride of a family)', aren't your boys supposed to respect the pride of every family, pride of the country , the whole society, 'afterall they are the future of the family, of the society then why not here?'

A 'prostitute' was a simple girl like you , or maybe your sister, but some sexual greeds got her there where she was never supposed to be. She is forced all day , every night.

Yes, call it a RAPE. Don't hesitate to say that when you felt 'manly' doing so. Someone else suffers because of someone else's eroticism. 

When a case is filed against sexual abuse , the verdict we come to hear is "The next hearing will be held on ..." Why a next hearing when all the evidences are against delinquent, when the victim died fighting for life ? Why the culprit is given a chance to prove himself inculpable ?

Such verdicts that we hear give courage to the wrong doers, even after committing such a shameful crime these same culprits are seen valorous cause they would definitely be given a chance to prove themselves innocent.

At last please don't do this to us.

-Rashi Jain

झूठे दिलासे और उम्मीदें क्यों?

"पल भर के लिए कोई हमें प्यार कर ले झूठा ही सही,दो दिन के लिए कोई इकरार कर ले.. " किशोर कुमार की आवाज़ में जब देव साहब अपने सदाबहार अंदाज में इन पंक्तियों को गुनगुनाते है तो वास्तव में वो पूरे हिन्दुस्तान के दिल की बात कह जाते है।

दरअसल फिल्मो में प्रेम कथाओ को पूरा होता देखने की हमें इतनी बुरी आदत हो गई है की प्यार तो सभी करते ही है, लेकिन साथ ही ये उम्मीद भी कर बैठते है की उनके "जान", "जाने ए  जाना " उनकी मोहब्बत को जरूर स्वीकारेंगे। साथ ही साथ ये उम्मीद भी लगा लेते हैं की वो जिनसे मोहब्बत करते हैं उतना ही सामने वाला भी उन्हें चाहेगा।

उम्मीद कर बैठते है कि जब हम राज बन कर अपनी बाहें फैलाएंगे तो सिमरन दौड़ी चली आएगी। मानो मरे जा रही हो हमारे लिए। प्यार के दीवाने हम इस कदर है की हम वास्तव में ये चाहते है कि कोई पल भर के लिए ही सही, झूठा सा दिलासा ही दिल को दे जाए।

और जब ऐसा झूठा दिलासा वास्तव में मिल जाता है, तो इंसान के मस्तिष्क में केमिकल लोचा हो जाता है, और फिर ऐसे में मजरूह सुल्तानपुरी का विनोदमई गीत याद आता है, जिसमें वे कहते "मोहब्बत कर लो,जी भर लो अजी किसने रोका है, पर बड़े ग़ज़ब की बात है, इसमें भी धोखा है।"

दरअसल हम सभी के भीतर प्रेम की लालसा है और समस्या ये है कि हम इसे जगह जगह ढूंढा करते हैं। हिरण, कस्तूरी की सुगंध के पीछे जीवन भर भागता रहता है,जबकि वो कस्तूरी उसी के नाभि में समाई होती है, प्रेम भी मानव जीवन में कस्तूरी के ही समान है। जो प्यार हम दूसरो में खोजते हैं वो खुदमें ढूंढने की जरूरत है। बस भागते कदम को रोक कर,कुछ देर ठहरने की जरूरत है।

- पुलकित शर्मा 

Everyone walks out !

" तुम हो पास मेरे, साथ मेरे हो तुम यूं"

What if you never had a chance to say a 'goodbye' ? That the last time you were with someone when you didn't know if you'll ever meet them again. What if they are immortalized in our memories and we remember them like it's our last name and you get a call from that someone who is no longer here. Someone who died or fell out of love !

When someone you love, flees. And the first thing you would do is 'deny' the reality, the bitter truth. You then close your eyes 'wishing' it to be a cruel wretched dream.

" कहीं से कहीं को भी, आओ बेवजह चले पूछे बिना किसी से, हम मिले"

Maybe the biggest part of letting go is acceptance. They don't teach you in the school what heartbreaks feel like or how to handle yourself when someone most delicate leaves. How to unlove, how to alter and how to delete memories, no they'll never gonna teach you.

You would cry and sacrifice things if it meant for them to stay a day longer.

When you're going through this hardship, you wouldn't care if you die, you would just want the other person to stay. It's the saddest story of the world. Grief and love makes you do the scariest things.

Some here are trying so hard to forget and many are trying so hard to remember.

" खुद को मैं हार गया तुमको, तुमको मैं जीता हूं"

You would then pray and hear 'Azaan, Bhajans, Hymns and Gurbani' and after being an atheist you worship God because this little hope inside you tells, he can reverse things and bring them back, maybe. That maybe hold those broken pieces of yours altogether in hopes.

I just wish they exist in the place that constantly remind us that goodbyes are hard to accept and loss is the language you'll learn every day because everyone will leave one day. But, always remember, "The ones who love us never really leave, they always live within ourselves."

-Abhimanyu Nirban.

Dominant drugs: Humans and Separation

 At times goodbyes are not necessarily needed. Yet at times we wish for that one last conversation, one last proper closure. To know what could have been done or why this ended the way it was never meant to.

 Memories have a strong impact on us. Memories are something we live for or live with. People become your habit, a part of your routine, and have that fixed time slot in your daily life. They become a part of you. And when you're in love it makes sense. They cross your mind now and then. You come across their favorite song or a phrase they use or the food they love, everything makes you feel connected to your love.

 And as they leave somewhere it creates a void inside your heart. The soul which had this habit of constantly relating to things and making the other the topmost priority. And suddenly, out of the blues this separation strikes making you go all numb. The body suffers through serious withdrawal symptoms, as such in the case of drugs or alcohol. Humans too are the strongest drugs. They leave us miserable. They are miserable. 

And I think when it comes to love 

You can never really unlove someone. 

Even the hate is on level 10 on the scale but somewhere there is this, a tiny part inside you that still belongs to the one that left, with the one you once loved. It carries all the memories, laughter, tears, moments, and everything deep within. Then when you see them after ages or days or months that cover over the parts slightly tears up and everything starts accumulating within and then you are back on the track.

I feel that there is a strong difference between loving someone and loving the idea of being with someone. And we often confuse it with love. So did I. And I was the one who loved. And still do. Just a matter of acceptance.

-S. Aishwarya

Way to forever till our last breaths.

My idea of love is quite extraordinary and a bit complicated. I have spent my entire life thinking that some days I will have someone who will love me the way I love. I need that "someone" who will love every inch, every corner of me without getting bored. 

If on days I feel like not stepping out, or if I am having serious mood swings, you shall stay with me, pampering me, cuddling with me, and will hug me the tightest so that whatever I have been holding on I'll cry it out. 

My idea of love is simple. There is no place for materialistic things. I just need love. Only love. I crave love. But I need reassurance now and then so you better tell me that you love me, twice a day.

 I need you to hold my hands while we are walking on beaches, on roads, at the mall, everywhere possible. I repeat everywhere possible.

 

  I know it sounds a bit clingy but all I need is this clinginess and you. So why waste a single moment.

  

 I need your shoulders to lean on when we are on our way, be it on cabs, trains, buses, planes. I'll stick to your hands like an adhesive. You better bear that. I want to eat ice cream with you at 2 AM while teasing each other with our exes.

 I want you to dance with me while we are cooking and cleaning or doing anything. On some days I want you to kiss me till the roti gets charred and the cooker whistles.

I also want you to kiss me in the middle of the argument, I'll forgive you soon.

  I'll call out names to you only when we are together and it will be anything baby, Shona, Bacchu, betu, mamma everything that I love better; do not judge me okay. 

  

Hug me whenever possible. Hold on to me forever. 

If I fall all I will be needing you there to hold me, pick me up, and tell me that you love me and make me believe in my own potential.

If I am sick you better be there and care for me like your own child. 

And in return, I'll promise to only love you and love you more with each passing day till my last breath and till death do us apart.

-S. Aishwarya